We all experience self-doubt at one point or another in our lives. 

It’s a really uncomfortable feeling to say the least, but more than that it can really stunt our ability to achieve the goals we set out to achieve. 

In my own experience, I’ve felt the heavy weight of self-doubt many times, but because of that I’m not only able to empathize with others who also feel self-doubt, but also I’m pretty practiced at digging myself out of those potholes and realigning myself with my vision.

In this post, I want to walk you through how I flip my self-doubt on its head so that you can walk through it feeling much stronger than you felt before. 

Step 1: Normalize and expect self-doubt to show up.

I get it – thanks captain obvious – but it’s true. 

Why am I making an emphasis on this point though? Because the first part of working through your thoughts and emotions is to acknowledge them. Accept that they exist, don’t judge yourself for it, and don’t make the assumption that you are unique in your particular shade of self-doubt and ‘supposed’ incapability.

The minute you judge yourself for feeling a particular way or having a specific thought, is the minute when those thoughts and feelings gain far more control and power over you.

You’re not alone.

Self-doubt is one of the many things you have in common with the rest of the achievers.

We all experience self-doubt in its many forms. To many, it’s a mild discomfort, nerves that we hold on to as we walk into a room filled with people that have more experience than we do. 

For some, it shows up as imposter syndrome, and for others, it’s something much heavier than that. Self-doubt may show up as fear, despair, dread, and even a mental or emotional paralysis towards doing anything in your life. 

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

~ Suzy Kassem, poet

But, special though you are, you’re not an outlier for doubting yourself. Self-doubt is part of the process – and expecting self-doubt on your path to achievement is like expecting bugs on a hike; prepare yourself ahead of time and it’s going to be much easier to handle.

Step 2: Separate what you feel from who you are.

I prefer to imagine my self-doubt as another version of myself, standing across from me.

Another option would be to imagine your self-doubt as a shape in the air, or some kind of animal, but you can get really creative with this. The idea is to give a mental “frame” for your self-doubt that you can reference as a separate object.

What does your-self-doubt look like? Where is it located, what does the space around it look like? How is it positioned – floating? Standing? Alone, or surrounded by people?  

We’ll use this mental model in step 3, but creating separate image of your self-doubt can further solidify the idea that your feelings about a certain thing or situation aren’t the truth of the matter – it’s your actions that count. You have the power to achieve your goals despite doubting yourself. 

Step 3: Change the image. 

There are two tools I like to use here: 

1. Parts work
2. Dissociation 

Both are visualization techniques that can help by lessening the mental load of your self-doubt.

Parts work 

I love parts work because it allows me to solve internal conflict, meet my own needs, and be a coach to myself whenever I need a bit of help. 

Keep in mind, it can be incredibly empowering to have an actual coach in your life, and if you feel as though you like how I work, then I invite you to book a discovery call.

Parts work is the idea that we operate with different facets of ourselves in life, and each facet may want or need different things. 

I love how Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT describes parts work:

“Parts work is a type of psychotherapy where our competing behaviors are seen as well-intentioned aspects of ourselves that need to be compassionately redirected.”

The first step of parts work is to separately identify the part of yourself with which you want to interact. If in step 2 you chose to identify your self-doubt as a different version of yourself, then congratulations – you’ve already visualized your “part.”

If instead you chose to visualize your self-doubt as a floating blob, then you may need to mentally grant that floating blob more sentience, so that you can sit down together and have a discussion.

And that’s what you do – you have a discussion.

What does your self-doubt have to say? What is it trying to protect you from? What is the worst case scenario that it’s concerned with? What does it need from you?

Do your best to just listen first to what that part of you has to say; be curious, and pay attention to what other emotions arise when you truly listen to your self-doubt. You may notice other parts of you wanting to speak up as well.

Next, consider how you can best support this aspect of yourself. What do they need to feel safer, more secure? What false logic can you debunk?

Start to interact with other elements of your mental model – if your self-doubt is alone, bring friends into the picture; if your self-doubt is in a dark space, turn up the lights, and increase the warmth of the image.

Bring whatever it is you need into the image to create a space that allows that part of you to feel seen, and tell that part, thank you for your concern – we got this.

Dissociation 

Dissociation is very different from parts work, and it can be incredibly useful if your self-doubt is feeling extra loud or overwhelming.

But first, I must immediately clarify that I am not referring to the definition of dissociation that is the trauma response in psychology. 

I am referring to the neuro linguistic programming submodality of dissociation, which is a method of visualization that can help to decrease the intensity of emotions.

If you know anything about this already, then you may have already realized that by visualizing your self-doubt as a separate entity, you have already engaged in dissociation; but now, let’s take it a step further. 

Change the image to represent what it is your self-doubt is most afraid of.

Notice all of the nitty gritty details – are you still separate from that image? Or are you inside the image, as though you are experiencing it yourself?

If you’re the one experiencing this fearful imagery, do your best to extract yourself so that you are a third party looking in.

Next, I want you to make that image black and white, like you’re watching an old movie (please tell me you remember those, and I’m not ancient). Dull the colors, make things a bit fuzzy, turn down the volume.

Once you’ve done this, I want you to imagine pushing your fearful image far away from you, so far that you’d need a telescope to see the real picture.

Once you’ve pushed it away from you, I want you to make the entire mental image of your self doubt smaller than it was before; shrink it down into something that you can fit into the palm of your hand.

Congratulations, you now have a beautiful, silvery marble you can toss or put on your mental keychain.

More importantly, you’ve now done the mental work of lessening the emotional weight of your self-doubt. 

Step 4. Show compassion.

I don’t easily accept compassion toward myself, and I’ve found that a lot of people struggle alongside me with this concept. Because of this, it’s one of the reasons why I find the parts work so useful. 

By separating my self-doubt into another version of myself, I can show compassion to a “friend,” while still reaping the benefits, as though I showed compassion to myself… 

Because it was me all along. 

So, how do you show yourself compassion?

Being compassionate toward yourself means treating yourself kindly and with goodwill.

We’ve already begun to extend compassion to ourselves in step 1 by identifying that what we’re feeling is normal and that we’re not alone in our experience. But there’s more to it.

1. Silence your inner critic for any shortcomings you perceive.
2. Release the need for external validation and it’s social pressures.
3. Treat yourself like you would a friend in need of care.

So much of our inner turmoil extends from judging ourselves and being afraid of judgement from others, but when we can release ourselves from those elements of our self-doubt, we find space for creativity, motivation, and inspiration in our goals.

Step 5: The most important step – take action.

The best thing you can do to banish your self doubt is to take action towards your goals.

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.”

– Vincent Van Gogh

It doesn’t matter what you’re feeling or thinking – your life and your results in the end always stem from what you do, not what you think or feel.

I know as well as any that self-doubt can be a powerful demotivating force, and it can cause us to stop in our tracks and forego any action that is related to our goal.

But you must take action.

Take action, trust the process, and as I always say, don’t complicate what consistency takes care of. Keep at your goals and allow for some time to pass before you start changing your direction and throwing new variables into play.

That’s it.

You got this.

I’m rooting for you.